(by Cecille La Plana on Friday, February 4, 2011 at 12:22am, a post in FB)
I came across a note about a lady telling her story of who she was and who she is…
Popped! My hand likes to put down notes of the idea born just minutes ago. Needless to say, I am tired and weary for the day, yet here I am, with my head turned and tuned on into my writing world again.
I am one lady, whose life revolves in my own decisions. This is my winning edge. I think, plan, analyze, and do what I want. I seldom ask for opinion because asking more would make my decision half bake. If things fail, I regret. It would not be much pain, if I fail on my own decision. Why? Because I know the consequences of my actions and from the very point of my falling, I know where to stand. This is me. Independent and simply a doer!
Yes! I like it that way. I gained confidence of the people around me especially my portal—my father. He would not worry an inch, for he knew I am in good hands. Yet, in some extent, being very independent means disadvantageous too. I also like to feel, how to be looked with an eagles eyes. That is, worrying where I am; If I am ok or not. That sense of affection. Damn it! I feel little of that. Yet I am not insecure. I can manipulate my feelings. I can be happy if I am not really happy. I pretend to be ok even if I am hurt. Want know why I do this? I do not want my family to feel the pain inside my heart. I want to show them the strong person that is me. I have survived many depressions. I made solutions on my own equations. I arrived at the same answer. So that’s it. The bottom line is I am still standing on pure solid ground.
I am never afraid to step an inch forward to face uncertainties. My failures had taught me well enough. Battles are on and off. Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. This is what I call game of luck. Serendipity? Yes! I believe in that. For we never know what may happen ahead of us. We will never know where we would be tomorrow and with whom. Today, I am here, tomorrow, I may be out there.
Pound for pound I go, ever decisive and with feet grounded just as usual. Sometimes I look back. I missed the train. To console myself, I would comfortingly set my mind that I may not be for that road. Indeed, life is a bittersweet turf! I had my share of great planning and organizing. I put a great amount of effort to work on it but things just won’t give in. It isn’t for me, I guess. So now, whenever I want to drive those wheels on, I would ask first, if things are going to be easy as eating a whole lot of fried chicken even if it’s difficult to swallow the whole of it that would be my signal to keep wheeling.
Breaking a leg has always been my tempo. I like breakthroughs. I know I can make it. I absolutely can. Yucky as it may seem, I already learned to accept that there are troublemakers along the way. I hate myself for being too kind, too generous, and too understanding. This is the real me. My face does not really spell what I am inside. For what I am outside is a stern and principled women hone through series of difficulties. I was and have been abused verbally. Yet here I am standing proud and tall. Nothing and no one can keep my knees from bending for my life’s proven and well lived values made it hard as an iron rod.
Liars, lame ducks, back fighters, no word of honors, freaking brains, and brain twisted are just some of those that I hate most. Well, good that I knew them now…I will and I would not in any way let them pass my way. I am not the same girl that I was once. I am more than capable of battling hard core foes.
Hey! That is just the other side of me. On top of this all, I am the sweetest person that had lived on earth—that is, to my only little baby (and to that someone God will give me).The cuddles with her are so much of leaping melodies. Her tears and cries hurt me most…so I keep my eyes and ears 24/7 open even if I am asleep. Just like my yearly organizer I am jotting down notes of her anytime I feel like doing. Hmmm I think I can be good at documentation more than anyone else. Staying full time with her now, is the greatest legacy I could do. And that will be for a lifetime.
As a sister and daughter, I am ever supportive. Till death do us part!
As a g.f., I have loopholes and shortcomings. But then, I gave it all—my best shot. Life is a whirlwind. So long!
Single blessedness may be next, but never an option. The book is open, but nothing serious has been scribed on it. I could not feel anything more than just mere writing. Maybe, I am just looking and deeply searching for the content. Content makes meaning to me. But hey! I do not go after of anyone. I do not haunt. I want to be haunted! Hahaha. I still believe it is always good to be prim and proper. It is just that, the drum is not beating at all. Maybe for someone…tomorrow…someday…it is may be worth waiting after all. Anyway, true love waits. Would you crack that bell? I want to hear it ring right into my ears.
I am hanging on these two lines:
“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”
Robert Lee
“If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies… It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it.”
Albert Einstein
